he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
