Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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