I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
