Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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