So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
