She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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