I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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