Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
