Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
