I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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