remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
