Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
