Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
