listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
