Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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