Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
