I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
