I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
