It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
