you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
