Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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