Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
