just come out here and I will go home with you...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
