how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
