Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
