just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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