Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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