i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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