Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
