so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
