He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
