He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
