found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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