Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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