I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
