the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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