I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
