Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
