Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
