I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
4 words: hood of his car
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
