when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
