I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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