Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
