1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
