i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i don't like sucking hair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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