Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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