He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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