I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize