She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
