I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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