I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
