I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize