We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
