the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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