when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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