Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
