Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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