Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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