His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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