btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
wow bdsm is so cute
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
