FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
