OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
