you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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