I'm going to jail i love you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love you.
Bad choice
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