booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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