i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
