I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
