how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize