My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You work out of a Hotel?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
