How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
