What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
