im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When did angry sex become our thing?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
