the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
