Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
