You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
