I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
