So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
