You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
