he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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