She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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