i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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