is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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