tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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