i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
