I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
