dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
worst night to have a conscience
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
