have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
