god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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