Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
