just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
